The Bishop, My Girl and the Cream Sponge Cake

The school where my youngest child Georgina attends has just celebrated its Centenary.

It is a lovely little school with a wonderful family and friendly atmosphere.

There have been a few special events over the last few weeks including a large musical concert which raised thousands of pounds for various charities. All of the performers were ex pupils spanning the century.

This week there has been a special mass for the whole of the school where the new Bishop and other dignitaries were attending.

All of the children were expected to be on their best behaviour. Some had special prayers or readings , others were singing in the choir.

The mass was followed by afternoon tea for the special guests with photographs and speeches.

The children ( because they had already had their lunch and snacks) were not encouraged to eat the " Special tea" in order to leave enough for the guests.

Unfortunately because I was at work I was unable to attend so when I returned home I was greeted by a very excited Georgina at the door.

This is how the conversation went...

G. - " Mummy you'll never guess what... I'm officially the luckiest girl in the whole school !"

Me. - ( Still on the threshold of the door in 30 C heat trying to actively listen whilst take off my shoes and put down by bag) "Why what happened?"

G. - All in one breath without stopping .. " Well I was about to ring the play time bell and the Bishop , you know the man with the big hat who was at our school today stopped me and asked me why I didn't have any cake. I told him that my teacher had told us that we weren't allowed to have anything. Then he looked over his shoulder cut his piece of cake in half and then gave it to me . He told me to tell the teacher that he had given it to me if anyone asked me ! I'm the luckiest girl in the whole school -even luckier than Phoebe Coody as she only got a " high five" from him !!


That one kind act will stay with her forever ...

Or more cynically !!

For me the day my daughter fleeced the Bishop for a piece of cake ( perhaps it didn't taste that good !!!)

Wicked woman ..

Wanted - One Ant Eater !!

Well the weather has been glorious - a bit too hot even !

We spent the weekend in and out of the garden cutting the lawn where our two trusty guinea pig lawn mowers " Daphne" and "Poops" had failed in their duty to munch.

In between the clumps of daisies, dandelion stems and general moss we discovered several mounds of earth. Having poked them we unearthed several fairly large ant mounds complete with red ants, black ants , ants with wings and ants carrying eggs !

Now whilst I love all creatures I really do not like ants at all - think it stems from my child hood when I was allocated a desk at school in a new class complete with old apple core and its occupants. I was not allowed to move and hated every moment having ants crawling over me until I really threw a wobbly and eventually got moved!

We must have had approximately 10 or so mounds of varying size dotted around the grass. Not being able to put down powder because of the guinea pigs I am afraid to say that I resorted to the boiling water treatment - I apologise to any ant lovers !

I know that they are very hard working , ingenious creatures but I just don't want them in my back yard. I had found a couple in doors recently - any more then I'm moving !

This got me thinking about ant eaters - I've seen them in our local zoo - absolutely beautiful creatures. I'd love to hire one - just for the day - it would give the ant eater a day out , do me a favour and save the zoo pounds in food !

It could become a real trend and make the zoo a fortune - I know that the zoo sell " adoptions" - perhaps I could chance my luck with adoptive parent status !

What a difference a few hours make

Well yesterday I returned to my Blog after a long period of time away remarking on the date 25th June 2009 and the fact that in 6 months time it will be Christmas day.

How bizarre is life that when I wrote my blog entry the legendary Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett were both alive and yet a few hours later we heard the news that both had sadly died.

Farrah fawcett was best known to me as one of " Charlie's Angels ". I can remember having the 1970's flick hair style along with my friends battling as to who was to be " Kelly or Sabrina " in out playground re enactments of the TV programme - I must have been all of 7 or 8 years old.

I too like everyone have grown up with the Jackson 5 and in particular Michael. I never went to any of his concerts but did have his " taped cassettes, records and CD's"( showing my age now!)

I know that he wasn't everyone's cup of tea and that his behaviour was at times rather strange but he was a brilliant singer and dancer.

It must be difficult being famous, not sure that I would really relish the fact being hounded by the media at every moment of my life , not knowing who your true friends are , being criticised and having your character analysed at every opportunity.

Today is another reminder that I am lucky to be alive,to have loving friends and family around me and that I should take time to show that I appreciate and love them and everything a lot more.

Only 6 months until Christmas !!!!!!!!!!!

Well another couple of months down !

I haven't been on my Blog , I haven't even been on face book and even my e-mails have been neglected just lately - so what have I been doing ???

I really wish I could tell you as I'm not sure myself !

Thank you Lyzzy for trying to stir me into action by leaving me a variety of messages !

I looked at the calendar today and weirdly thought exactly 6 months today we'll all be eating Christmas dinner - how weird is that. Another year almost gone.

It's also Malc's " Very merry Un- birthday today" - a weird tradition every month in our family celebrated on the date of our real birthday and not the actual month - means you get 11 Un birthdays and 1 real one !! We don't do presents on those days - you just get reminded of how old you are.

I've had a strange day today - nothing new there then -started off being nearly run off the pavement by a 5 year old child out of control on a pedal bike - followed by being served in sainsbury's by a "Bag licker" - one of my Pet hates. I then popped round to see one of my friends who had stuck a garden fork through the top of her foot and walked her " Lassie cloned" dog - which was very enjoyable.

It has been years since I walked a dog and I had forgotten what it was like - I was however quite pleased that the dog did not facilitate the need to use the pooper scooper and the very thin doggy poo bags.

It was my Mum's 65th birthday a couple of days ago and because of work we will be celebrating properly tomorrow with a Chinese meal which will be nice.

Malc as usual has been his normal self. At work we were all issued with an e mail detailing how we should all be using only a maximum of two pumps from a soap dispenser when washing hands in order to save money !!

Malc has responded by forwarding illustrated instructions on how to wipe your derriere using one piece of toilet paper and is considering entering it into the staff suggestion scheme as a cost cutting measure !!!

Since I last blogged we have had frequent hospital visits, been on holiday to Dorset, painted the hall ( I say " We" when I mean Me)survived a visit by my nephews ( only one broken photo frame !)been successful in pantomime auditions ( the kids), got the part of Oliver ( Sam )helped out on school trips, nursed a hedgehog and have been harrassed by " Bonker" the blackbird bashing our windows from 0500 hours every day ( he did the same thing last year !).

I will try again to do a bit more blogging but won't promise just yet !

Looking forward to catching up on everyone's news though.

Another month gone !

I've given up on excuses and promises to Blog as I appear to be a lost cause.

Life has been fairly hectic over the last month and the days seem to drift into weeks and then months.

So what have I been up to ....


Well I joined a gym and haven't been yet ! ( great value for money!)

Have accompanied various family members to none other than 4 hospital appointments and more to come ( sickly bunch !)

Have been working what appears to be non stop with a day off here and there- only to sort out homely things like washing , shopping , cooking , cleaning , ironing !

Listening to Malc tell me how that he must have beaten the world sit up record in his daily work out and then in the same ear hearing about how bad his back is, his leg aches , the side of his foot and other dodgey parts with varying ailments!

Trying not to murder him completely when he took my daughter to a dancing lesson only to come home 45 minutes later stating that he had bought a brand new car without any discussion !

Wondering if he had gone completely mad altogether when I caught him bidding on a banjo on Ebay ( he plays no musical instruments but now has the desire to play a banjo)

Replying to various party invitations for my children

Sending Malc to our child's parents evening ( hoping that he would not come back having bought anything else!)

Had a mother / daughter discussion on biological facts and when advising Georgie what " ovaries" were and describing them as sort of Almond shaped - she stated " I hate Almonds , why can't they be like raisins instead "

Went for a fantastic Chinese meal with a group of parents/ teachers finding it a bit peculiar calling the teacher that had taught me years ago by his first name, whilst trying not to feel like an 11 year old again !

Finally decided to sell a load of stuff that is in the garage and got as far as sorting it out - now just have to sell it.

and

Got talked into joining face book by a friend despite a huge amount of resistance and realised that it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be and actually found an old school friend on there - also some fellow bloggers !


So really Life has been ticking away merrily with a few things to test me - but on the whole ok...... so far !!!!!!

Trip to the Dentist

Last week I had to take the kids for their routine check up at the dentist.We've been at this particular dental practice for years , albeit that the dentists themselves have changed.

Now I've never been one of those people who get particularly worked up about going, although I have to admit I don't particularly enjoy the experience as a whole. I always make sure that the kids look after their teeth and was pleased to hear that the dentist was very pleased with them and that they needed no treatment.

Unfortunately when it was my turn - he uttered those dreaded words . " Ah , You appear to have fractured your filling, it will need to be replaced ".

Today was " D" Day and I had to go back to the surgery to have my tooth fixed.

I arrived at the practice about 15 minutes early to find that I was the only person in the waiting room. The receptionist was very friendly and as British people do we started to talk about the weather. She started to say that she had never seen such deep snow and clearly stated that the last time we had snow like this she was an 18 month old baby (!) This suddenly made me feel quite old as I was old enough to be her mother...

I sat in the chair looking around the waiting room, pictures of gleaming white teeth every where , toothbrushes galore whilst listening to the sounds of high pitched drilling from a room next door.

The drilling stopped and a lady came out into the reception area to pay her bill, her speech had obviously been affected by whatever she had just had done as she was slurring and slobbering as though her lips had been pumped up like a big balloon.

The lady went out of the door holding her face before she went out into the cold air and I was once again left alone gazing around the room waiting for my name to be called over the crackly tannoy system to room 9.

Upon hearing my name I made my way to the room where the dentist was waiting at the door to greet me( No getting out of it now - I was committed..).

"Good afternoon " , he cheerfully grinned showing me into the room.

"Right, have a seat".

I sat on the long plasticy covered reclining couch, to my right was a tray of metal shining sharp picks , hooks and drill pieces which didn't look very pleasant at all.

I was handed a pair of plastic googles - very attractive- which I had to adorn - looking like something out of Sci fi movie.

Next I was propelled back wards into the lap of the dentist, with my shoes pointing to the ceiling.

As he prepared his drill pieces , the dental nurse was busily chatting away to me telling me about how she had found a caterpillar in a bag of peppers that she had got from the supermarket ( I have no idea how we got on to this subject - normally like hairdressers I have been asked about what I was going to be doing for the weekend or any holidays etc).

Then it was - " Ok open wide please" and the drilling began. I heard the drill first before I felt it and then my toes started to curl...

I found that I had my hands clamped across my chest as though my life depended on it and my toes were fully strecthed out awaiting to cramp at any moment.

"LIft your left hand if you want me to stop at any time", he muttered through his green mask.

They had put a heavy apron on me so I have no idea how I was meant to raise my hand whilst wearing an iron filled straight jacket!

I started to make those sort of " Gaarr... Maar.." noises - you know the ones when you feel as though your jaw bone has been broken. This was also whilst trying to swallow the water which by now has built up at the back of my throat and wanting to avoid swallowing the 2 big polystyrene rolls inserted at the side of my gums.

Then the nurse stuck the dreaded suction hose pipe in my mouth , as well as having the drill - to suck up any excess moisture. It was so cold I couldn't feel the side of my tongue.It felt like a garden hose pipe . She then lost control of it momentarily sucking up the top side of my lip up the tube.

Raise my left hand ! If I had managed to lift it I think I would have grabbed that suction pipe - it was driving me mad !!

Then I had the problem of where do I look ??

Do I maintain eye contact with the dentist whilst poking implements into my mouth with my head in his lap ? - No.

I couldn't turn my head very far so decided to look up at an angle , trying not to burn the back of my retinas out from the overhead spot lamp.

I managed to find a spot on which to stare for 30 minutes and tried to think of nicer things... How the hell did she get caterpillars in her bag I started to wonder???

Eventually my trial was over, my toes returned to normality and and I was free to rinse out my mouth with the disgusting pink liquid held in the custom white plastic bendy cup at the side of the small round gurgly sink.

My tooth thankfully felt ok. I said my thank you and went back down to reception to pay for my treatment.

£106 later I walked along the cold snowy and icy road back home .. I definitely think I'm in the wrong job !!!!!!!!!!

Winter Wonderland !

My day started this morning at 0500 this morning when Malc started to scrape the snow from the car ready to go to work.

I felt like a child again , the excitement of seeing loads of snow when I didn't have to go to work . Then I felt the concern of hoping that he would actually get to work ok.

Sam & Georgie woke up at 0700 as normal and I couldn't wait to tell them that it had been snowing! They were really excited and there were whoops of joy as they both stared out of the window with delight.

After breakfast I thought that I had better have a look at the schools web site - we had been forewarned that in inclement weather the schools may be closed as the teachers would not be able to get in.

I had heard on the main news and weather that lots of schools had been closed and upon checking Sam & Georgina's schools were also closed.

By 0800 We were all outside and had built two snow men and a snow cat (!) and had had several snowball fights.

I couldn't believe how thick the snow was - I can't remember it being that heavy for years and certainly the children had never seen it like that.

I took a few photos of the morning.










After lunch Malc had come home early from work - so we all went sledging !! We had a brilliant time screaming down the hills - it was great fun.


Having just looked at the school web site again the schools are closed again for tomorrow and I am off work until Wednesday !!

Whoopeeee !!!!!!!!!!

I'm sure that by the weekend we will be sick of it but for now it's nice to enjoy it whilst we can.

A Culinary moment

I'm not sure why but over the last couple of days a variety of notable culinary moments have occured in our household - and not good ones!

On Friday night I decided that we would have a curry - a home made one complete with Naan bread and the trimmings. I quite like cooking, I'm not the best cook in the world but I do my best to put something edible on the table.

I'm not a huge fan of hot curries or really spicy ones- bit of a wimp really compared to Malc who would eat the hottest one available ( you know the "bum burner " types, I can't remember their proper name but - not for me !)

So, in a calm tranquil fashion I proudly produced a Chicken korma , nice and mild and yoghurty, a non offensive dish that even the most delicate stomach could manage accompanied by rice ( and peas !! as Malc likes green veggies with his ).

We all sat down together to eat, a typical family gathering all discussing what we had done that day.

I'm not sure what happened next but suddenly my right hand went into some sort of spasm launching my knife down then up into the air. Unfortunately for me on my knife at the time was the biggest piece of chicken korma complete with piping hot korma sauce and an odd pea or two which orbitted into the direction of my face covering my right eye lid and cleavage !

For one micro second I sat in shock before screaming - " Quick get me a towel - my eye lids on fire !"

There was sauce in my hair , up the wall ,over the floor, on my clothes - everywhere !

As ( unfortunately) I am not particularly well endowed in the cleavage department - the hot sauce by this time had almost reached my belly button (!) as there was nothing to stop it in mid flow.

Malc managed to get me a towel, I then wiped myself down, applied cold water to my burnt regions and wiped the korma from the ceiling using a mop !

After they'd stopped laughing we then finished eating our by now cold korma !

Saturday night - my third degree burns now healing nicely - Malc decided to "cook". I use this in the loosest terms possible. Malc opens packets and then times everything to the exact micro second. If he is cooking and the pack says 18 minutes then he sets his watch and he does not open the oven door until that time.It infuriates him also if when he asks me what time food is ready I always say- " Well about twenty to" or "I can't remember when exactly - it will be ready in a minute or so"

Anyway - Malc decided that we would have "Fish and Chips" -again he normally likes peas but because of using them all up with the disastrous Korma he said that he would improvise (!).

The kids and I were in the other room finishing off their homework when we heard the familiar sound of Malc's watch alarm going off which ( like Pavlov- signalled that the food was ready ).

We went into the kitchen to find that he had loaded our plates with fish , frozen broccoli (!) and the biggest chips that I had ever seen.

"Where did you find that lot?" we asked

"In the bottom of the freezer - I decided that we needed to use things up" was his reply.

The chips looked strange, they were anaemic looking and long and didn't really look like chips at all.

On closer examination I detected that the chips were not made from potato but were actually "Parsnips".

They had been bought as an emergency only use - in case of extreme hardship at Christmas time and only in case there was a national parsnip shortage and we could get no fresh ones!

Malc hates parsnips, so do the kids - so there we were eating traditional "Fish and parsnips" for tea.

Sam pointed out when Malc was trying to defend himself statimng that they looked like potato chips , " It says Parsnips on the packet dad!".

We ended up eating Chocolate pudding with chocolate custard which was lovely instead !!!!

This morning I decided that I would have cinammon and raisins toasted bagels for my breakfast. I am a saftey conscious Mum , you know the type that tells my children , " Don't sit too near to the TV , you'll get square eyes " or " Put that stick down you'll poke someones eye out with it"

Kitchen safety is of paramount importance ( particularly after the dangerous korma incident).

There I was cutting my bagel in half with a sharp knife - not holding it on the plate as I would advise my children to do - No - holding it in my hand whilst dancing around the kitchen whilst singing to the radio........

Luckily - the band aid plasters were easy to find in the drawer and the mop that had been used to wipe the korma from the ceiling was still in the utility room to swash down the bloody floor!!!

The good news is that my 9 remaining healthy fingers work fine - the 10th one is a bit sore.

Mmmm, wonder what to have for lunch - may be I should have a detox for the rest of the weekend - might be safer !

Un Gawa !!!!!!!

Well we had a really nice weekend !

Our good friends Lyzzydee and Tom , along with Beth came over and I subjected them to my cooking ( rather mine than Malc's !) We discussed a variety of topics, established that Lyzzy has a secret talent for singing three blind mice in Latin as well as being able to quote all of the USA states in a song and generally had a great time !

We made them listen to several of Malc's 1970 record collection , having got a record player that does all sorts of things for Christmas ! This included that popular well known Truckers LP with hits like " Somebody stole my truck"! ( Wish they'd stolen the record !)It was truly dreadful !

Other news. Cheeta is now hanging on the wall of my study. I secretly actually like the picture that Cheeta did but Johnny Weissmuller in his pants is still on standby .
I was yet again surprised by Malc who has now bought me the whole DVD collection of Tarzan and his amazing adventures.

Why ? You may ask - I have absolutely no idea !! Why he has suddenly turned into the lover of all things ape like I do not know. I have never mentioned a liking for monkeys in particular or men wearing loin cloths or anything remotely similar.

However I am grateful that he actually toopk the trouble to choose me something and wrap it nicely - It could have been worse......... ( and I've still hopefully got Valentines day to look forward to ????)

Any way - Here is Cheeta part one



and part two




and finally ( I hope ) Part three




Any one else got anything similar ????

Blog Catch Up !!

Happy New Year to you all !

I had very good intentions of keeping up with my Blog but have failed miserably ( again).

I've been trying to catch up reading everyone's Blogs to see what has been happening and was really very sorry to hear the news on Travis and his house fire. Just before Christmas the school at the back of my house caught fire and burned down to the ground. Most of my neighbours children go to the school which has devastated a whole community - everything was destroyed - childrens Christmas presents made for their parents, pictures, photos etc. The only good thing was that no one was hurt and several years of fire alarm practice was put into action.Most of the children have been re schooled temporarily in porta cabins until the building is rebuilt. My thoughts are with Travis and his family at this time and a package is enroute for his boys.

Sam and Georgina finished the panto last week - it was great fun with a brilliant party for all of the cast and crew at the end. They are already talking about auditions for Christmas 2009 which will be for Aladdin.

Christmas was a relaxed quiet affair, unfortunately I had a horrible cough/ cold bug but it didn't spoil the day. It was fairly memorable because of the presents that Malc gave me. For months now he has been laughing to himself and saying " You won't believe what I've got you for Christmas !". This has highly amused him - having a secret and annoyed the heck out of me!

Well the big day arrived and Malc gave me a pile of beautifully wrapped presents - I was really touched. On opening the gifts they were wonderful and nothing to laugh at - one of the best surprises was a beaded necklace that I had seen in a shop on holiday in Holland and unbeknown to me Malc had secretly bought it with Sam and had stashed it away.It really is lovely.

I must admit that I do like surprises but I am also the sort of person that will hunt for presents - but I didn't find any this year !

The last present to open was a strange one - a black and white photo of Cheetah and Johnny Weismuller - you know "Tarzan ".

I didn't know what to say and started to laugh. " Why have you bought me a picture of Cheetah ?", I asked. "Because I thought you would like it " came the reply.

"Oh, Thank you very much", I politely answered.

I was really confused. I like animals but have never really expressed a huge love for anything monkey like - very strange.

Later in the day my parents came over and we had a traditional Christmas lunch followed by more presents.

This is where Malc really excelled himself !!

He brought in a huge parcel 4ft x 2.5ft in size beautifully wrapped in gold paper.

"This is your real present", he lovingly said.

"Oh how lovely" my parents said in unison.

I was really touched. From the size of it and the excitement of the children I guessed that it was a framed picture of the family or one of the children.

"Go on open it Mummy !" the children said.

Very gently , not wishing to destroy the paper I made a small tear to the top corner - revealing part of the frame.

I was right.

I continued to pull the golden paper away from the frame to reveal a huge picture of - a monkey's face !!!!

Immediately we all started screaming with laughter.

My Mum and dad were in complete shock - my Mum saying " What on earth ....."

As I ripped the paper completely away, there it was an absolutely humungous massive picture of Cheetah -which was - wait for it " signed" with a Cheetah finger print and scribbled signature !!!!

My immediate thoughts were - "What the hell" , "He's finally gone Mad" , "Where on earth am I going to put it ?"

Things went down hill when Malc told Mum that he had taken her picture down to put Cheetah up instead !!!!

I don't know what his thought process was behind buying the picture but strangely he must know me well as I actually quite like it !

To add - as well as having Cheetah, there is a painting that Cheetah has painted with a certificate of authenticity in the frame , which turns out to be a Charity cause - probably keeping Cheetah in cigarettes and booze !

Malc always surprises and life is never boring !! xx

Why have diamonds, jewels, pearls when you too can have a framed picture of a chimp gracing the walls of your home - in place of that of your family !

New Year was a quiet homely affair - with just us -all of our friends kept away ( I wonder why ??) It wasn't really quiet - we had a great time with a Chinese meal , music , dancing and lots of laughter -some of the neighbours had fireworks which was nice to see from indoors as the weather was freezing!

I haven't made any resolutions this year - just going to see what comes my way. There are always things that I want to do or achieve -mainly around the house but we'll see.

Just hope that it's a happy and healthy one for us all !

Ps - For those of you that have been very interested - Malc's crotchless pants have finally made it to the bin - he wore them for two weeks as a protest - I think this may be why I received Cheetah.....