A Culinary moment

I'm not sure why but over the last couple of days a variety of notable culinary moments have occured in our household - and not good ones!

On Friday night I decided that we would have a curry - a home made one complete with Naan bread and the trimmings. I quite like cooking, I'm not the best cook in the world but I do my best to put something edible on the table.

I'm not a huge fan of hot curries or really spicy ones- bit of a wimp really compared to Malc who would eat the hottest one available ( you know the "bum burner " types, I can't remember their proper name but - not for me !)

So, in a calm tranquil fashion I proudly produced a Chicken korma , nice and mild and yoghurty, a non offensive dish that even the most delicate stomach could manage accompanied by rice ( and peas !! as Malc likes green veggies with his ).

We all sat down together to eat, a typical family gathering all discussing what we had done that day.

I'm not sure what happened next but suddenly my right hand went into some sort of spasm launching my knife down then up into the air. Unfortunately for me on my knife at the time was the biggest piece of chicken korma complete with piping hot korma sauce and an odd pea or two which orbitted into the direction of my face covering my right eye lid and cleavage !

For one micro second I sat in shock before screaming - " Quick get me a towel - my eye lids on fire !"

There was sauce in my hair , up the wall ,over the floor, on my clothes - everywhere !

As ( unfortunately) I am not particularly well endowed in the cleavage department - the hot sauce by this time had almost reached my belly button (!) as there was nothing to stop it in mid flow.

Malc managed to get me a towel, I then wiped myself down, applied cold water to my burnt regions and wiped the korma from the ceiling using a mop !

After they'd stopped laughing we then finished eating our by now cold korma !

Saturday night - my third degree burns now healing nicely - Malc decided to "cook". I use this in the loosest terms possible. Malc opens packets and then times everything to the exact micro second. If he is cooking and the pack says 18 minutes then he sets his watch and he does not open the oven door until that time.It infuriates him also if when he asks me what time food is ready I always say- " Well about twenty to" or "I can't remember when exactly - it will be ready in a minute or so"

Anyway - Malc decided that we would have "Fish and Chips" -again he normally likes peas but because of using them all up with the disastrous Korma he said that he would improvise (!).

The kids and I were in the other room finishing off their homework when we heard the familiar sound of Malc's watch alarm going off which ( like Pavlov- signalled that the food was ready ).

We went into the kitchen to find that he had loaded our plates with fish , frozen broccoli (!) and the biggest chips that I had ever seen.

"Where did you find that lot?" we asked

"In the bottom of the freezer - I decided that we needed to use things up" was his reply.

The chips looked strange, they were anaemic looking and long and didn't really look like chips at all.

On closer examination I detected that the chips were not made from potato but were actually "Parsnips".

They had been bought as an emergency only use - in case of extreme hardship at Christmas time and only in case there was a national parsnip shortage and we could get no fresh ones!

Malc hates parsnips, so do the kids - so there we were eating traditional "Fish and parsnips" for tea.

Sam pointed out when Malc was trying to defend himself statimng that they looked like potato chips , " It says Parsnips on the packet dad!".

We ended up eating Chocolate pudding with chocolate custard which was lovely instead !!!!

This morning I decided that I would have cinammon and raisins toasted bagels for my breakfast. I am a saftey conscious Mum , you know the type that tells my children , " Don't sit too near to the TV , you'll get square eyes " or " Put that stick down you'll poke someones eye out with it"

Kitchen safety is of paramount importance ( particularly after the dangerous korma incident).

There I was cutting my bagel in half with a sharp knife - not holding it on the plate as I would advise my children to do - No - holding it in my hand whilst dancing around the kitchen whilst singing to the radio........

Luckily - the band aid plasters were easy to find in the drawer and the mop that had been used to wipe the korma from the ceiling was still in the utility room to swash down the bloody floor!!!

The good news is that my 9 remaining healthy fingers work fine - the 10th one is a bit sore.

Mmmm, wonder what to have for lunch - may be I should have a detox for the rest of the weekend - might be safer !