Trip to the Dentist

Last week I had to take the kids for their routine check up at the dentist.We've been at this particular dental practice for years , albeit that the dentists themselves have changed.

Now I've never been one of those people who get particularly worked up about going, although I have to admit I don't particularly enjoy the experience as a whole. I always make sure that the kids look after their teeth and was pleased to hear that the dentist was very pleased with them and that they needed no treatment.

Unfortunately when it was my turn - he uttered those dreaded words . " Ah , You appear to have fractured your filling, it will need to be replaced ".

Today was " D" Day and I had to go back to the surgery to have my tooth fixed.

I arrived at the practice about 15 minutes early to find that I was the only person in the waiting room. The receptionist was very friendly and as British people do we started to talk about the weather. She started to say that she had never seen such deep snow and clearly stated that the last time we had snow like this she was an 18 month old baby (!) This suddenly made me feel quite old as I was old enough to be her mother...

I sat in the chair looking around the waiting room, pictures of gleaming white teeth every where , toothbrushes galore whilst listening to the sounds of high pitched drilling from a room next door.

The drilling stopped and a lady came out into the reception area to pay her bill, her speech had obviously been affected by whatever she had just had done as she was slurring and slobbering as though her lips had been pumped up like a big balloon.

The lady went out of the door holding her face before she went out into the cold air and I was once again left alone gazing around the room waiting for my name to be called over the crackly tannoy system to room 9.

Upon hearing my name I made my way to the room where the dentist was waiting at the door to greet me( No getting out of it now - I was committed..).

"Good afternoon " , he cheerfully grinned showing me into the room.

"Right, have a seat".

I sat on the long plasticy covered reclining couch, to my right was a tray of metal shining sharp picks , hooks and drill pieces which didn't look very pleasant at all.

I was handed a pair of plastic googles - very attractive- which I had to adorn - looking like something out of Sci fi movie.

Next I was propelled back wards into the lap of the dentist, with my shoes pointing to the ceiling.

As he prepared his drill pieces , the dental nurse was busily chatting away to me telling me about how she had found a caterpillar in a bag of peppers that she had got from the supermarket ( I have no idea how we got on to this subject - normally like hairdressers I have been asked about what I was going to be doing for the weekend or any holidays etc).

Then it was - " Ok open wide please" and the drilling began. I heard the drill first before I felt it and then my toes started to curl...

I found that I had my hands clamped across my chest as though my life depended on it and my toes were fully strecthed out awaiting to cramp at any moment.

"LIft your left hand if you want me to stop at any time", he muttered through his green mask.

They had put a heavy apron on me so I have no idea how I was meant to raise my hand whilst wearing an iron filled straight jacket!

I started to make those sort of " Gaarr... Maar.." noises - you know the ones when you feel as though your jaw bone has been broken. This was also whilst trying to swallow the water which by now has built up at the back of my throat and wanting to avoid swallowing the 2 big polystyrene rolls inserted at the side of my gums.

Then the nurse stuck the dreaded suction hose pipe in my mouth , as well as having the drill - to suck up any excess moisture. It was so cold I couldn't feel the side of my tongue.It felt like a garden hose pipe . She then lost control of it momentarily sucking up the top side of my lip up the tube.

Raise my left hand ! If I had managed to lift it I think I would have grabbed that suction pipe - it was driving me mad !!

Then I had the problem of where do I look ??

Do I maintain eye contact with the dentist whilst poking implements into my mouth with my head in his lap ? - No.

I couldn't turn my head very far so decided to look up at an angle , trying not to burn the back of my retinas out from the overhead spot lamp.

I managed to find a spot on which to stare for 30 minutes and tried to think of nicer things... How the hell did she get caterpillars in her bag I started to wonder???

Eventually my trial was over, my toes returned to normality and and I was free to rinse out my mouth with the disgusting pink liquid held in the custom white plastic bendy cup at the side of the small round gurgly sink.

My tooth thankfully felt ok. I said my thank you and went back down to reception to pay for my treatment.

£106 later I walked along the cold snowy and icy road back home .. I definitely think I'm in the wrong job !!!!!!!!!!