Tuesday, 27 May 2008

The laziest Blogger in Town !

Well so far I've missed out on not one but two "My Town Monday Posts "( Sorry Travis!)

I honestly do not know where the time has gone to but in my defence I have been running around like a "Blue A*sed Fly" ( Where did that phrase originate from ? - I'll have to google it)

Any way - work has been hectic, we've survived Sam's SATS exams, finally bought a Holy Communion outfit for Georgie for her big day on 14th June, made preparations for Sam's school trip and just lived the normal toil of shopping, washing , cooking , cleaning, being taxi driver for the kids activities and working extra to be able to pay for them !

We're now on a weeks break from school and work and so far have had a lovely time. The weather has been pretty miserable with non stop rain all over the Bank holiday weekend - hopefully it will cheer up a bit for the rest of the week before we all have to go back.

Last week I nearly " came a cropper". I was at home and had a peaceful couple of hours all to myself. I had had a busy morning and was feeling a little jaded so went upstairs and thought I would have a lie down before picking the kids up from school.

In the corner of the room I spotted an item which my Mum had very kindly given me for Christmas. It was a leg massager- " designed to relieve and relax tired legs".

Feeling a bit intrigued, I clambered off the bed and picked up the box.

I looked at the instructions on the outside which depicted some a coloured ultra sound "before and after" pair of legs - the tired legs and the " not so tired legs" and thought that I would investgate further.

Upon opening the box my first reaction was the unmistakeable pungent plastic smell of "Made in Taiiwan" aroma.

Inside the box was a small control box, copious amounts of rubber piping and a pair of light blue plastic zipped calf length boots.

There was also a small sheet of instructions which seemed to be in 50 different languages. Being rather impatient and not having time to fully read all of the documentation I decided that it didn't look that difficult to assemble and carried on regardless.

Slowly I unzipped the calf length plastic boots and squeezed both my legs and feet into each one until I was fully contained in a mummified stance.

I then had to connect a series of plastic tubing to several valves which seemed to run up and down each boot.

The finally stage seemed to be to wire the whole lot to the mains electricity supply. This I did by removing my bed side table lamp and plugging the wired boots into the socket.

I felt good and ready to be re energised.

I lay back down on the bed and turned on the TV.

I then adjusted the control on the boots, which did not seem to have any numbers on it but just a button that made a click noise.

I clicked the button a few times. It didn't seem to do much so I clicked it again about another 6 or 7 times.

I became aware of air flowing through into the valves and up into the boots themselves.

I can cope with this I thought and clicked the switch again. The poorly written instructions stated that the recommended treatment was for 60 minutes.

The boots filled with air which made the already snug plastic fit feel quite tight around my legs and feet. The pressure then released and then filled with air again.

I lay on the bed for about 15 minutes watching the telly but started to feel a little bit uncomfortable.

I tried to turn the control button down - "click click" - no effect.

"Click click" - nothing.

I looked down at my feet - my toes were a bright blue/ purple colour !!

Oh My God what's happening ! , I thought.

The next minute - the worse thing happened - "Ding dong".

There was some one at the door.

I had been expecting a delivery - a wedding present for a friend, whose party we were going to the next day.

I couldn't move my by now purple cramped feet. The air pipe was still pushing more air into my now Michelin man sized boots - and they were likely to pop at any minute.

I tried to manoeuvre myself off the bed with my legs splaying like a blue windmill.

I clicked the machine and with a Whoosh - more air started to fill the boots.

"Ding dong" went the door again.

I landed in a sumo stance on the floor still attached to the 50 metres of pipe work.

My toes looked like swollen blueberries and were getting really painful.

I scrabbled for the machine - there was no on/ off switch that I could readily see, so I then yanked out the plug and like a dimented woman started to tug and pull at the copious tubing sticking in all directions.

Because of the pressure that had built up this was not as easy as I had hoped.

I managed to get one of the tubes off and "Whooooooooosh" - the air started to release and the pressure which was by now starting to cut into my legs eased.

I hobbled across the room making a series of rip roaring fart noises as I went from my lower legs as the air pipes were being ripped off.

"Ding dong"

"I'm coming !" , I yelled, half in pain , half in relief and half in despair of the delivery driver going.

When I opened the door , still wearing my boots, pipes and half a control box trailing in the hall, I casually signed the paperwork , took in my parcel and bid the driver farewell - well it could have been a fashion statement for all he knew !
I'm sure that he had seen worse ????

It took a further 10 minutes before I could actually totally remove the plastic boots from my feet as my feet were so swollen.

I was left with the feeling of having pins and needles when your feet don't feel real or even a part of your body - not quite sure that it was rejuvenating but I did have a good laugh afterwards!

My Mum thought it was hysterical when I told her what had happened - it certainly was an entertaining present.

I've attached a photo of the boots - in case you have any gifts to buy or indeed you are trying to subtly kill someone with the threat of thrombosis or toe amputation !!

Wednesday, 14 May 2008

The fathers scale of 1 to 10 for Medical Ailments

The other evening just before bed time Georgina came into the kitchen complaining of a tummy ache.

Despite having spent the last half an hour rolling around laughing with her brother and having had a good time ,she put on the " I'm going to have my father over" face on , with her hands clutched over her stomach.

The conversation went a bit like this;

Georgina : " Daddy I've got a really bad tummy ache"
Daddy: "Where does it hurt?"
Georgina: "Here" ( pointing to her mid riff)
Daddy: "How badly does it hurt?"
Georgina; "Really bad"
Daddy: " How badly on a scale of 1 to 10?"
Georgina: " I'm not sure, what are the choices?"
Daddy: " Well 10 is really really bad and I would have to get you to the hospital immediately"
Georgina: " My programme is on , What's a 9 ?"
Daddy: "Well a 9 is you probably need to go to the hospital but not immediately but very soon"
Georgina: " Ok what's an 8 ?"
Daddy: " An 8 would be that your tummy is really bad and I have to get you to the doctor who may then want you to go to hospital"

A minute or two goes by.

Georgina: "May be it would get better if I had a hug and a biscuit"
Daddy: "Mmm Are you sure?"
Georgina: " What was an 8 again?"

After several hugs and a table full of crumbs the ailment had completely disappeared!

Tuesday, 13 May 2008

My Town Monday - Part 11

Well I've had to dig a bit deeper this week to write a post regarding a book relating to Bishops Stortford. I know that there are many many historical books written about the town I am struggling to find a fiction novel.


I warn you now that this post does go on a bit !

In Bishop’s Stortford’s library there is a book, written in the 1930s entitled "Twenty Centuries of England Being the Annals of Bishop’s Stortford" by W. Basil Worsefold.

In it are fascinating details of people and events that helped shaped the town and its surrounding area’s history, including "Hadham Hall". Strictly speaking, Hadham Hall doesn’t fall within the town’s boundary, but there have always been tenuous links with Stortford and it would be a shame not to relate Worsefold's text to a wider audience.




The author did much research and was fortunate enough to have met and talked with the last owner of Hadham Hall, William Minet, who disclosed many interesting facts about its past. Added to Worsefold’s text is part of the content of a small book held in the British Museum entitled ‘Excellent Contemplations, Divine and Moral, Written by the Magnanimous and truly Loyal Arthur Lord Capel, Baron of Hadham’.




The title page goes on: Together with some Account of his Life, and his Letters to several Persons, whilst he was Prisoner in the Tower vigorously asserting the Royal Cause against all the Enemies thereof. Likewise his affectionate Letters to his Lady the Day before his Death, and his Courageous Behaviour, and last Speech in his Suffering March 9. 1648 (i.e.1649)
With his Pious Advice to his son the late EARL OF ESSEX.
The book was printed in London in 1683.

Another copy of the book, donated to the British Museum early last century, contains many added notes that interpret and supplement the text throughout, but although these notes were written by hand at about the time of publication (1683), it isn’t known who wrote them. The book also includes a vivid account of Capel’s execution at Whitehall, extracts of which are also included here.

Due to the early death of his father, Arthur Capel (1604–1649) inherited Hadham Hall from his grandfather, Henry Capel, in 1632. He was 28 years old and only a few years previous, in 1627, had married Elizabeth Morrison, heiress to the large Cassiobury estate near Watford.

In 1640 he became an MP for Hertfordshire and strongly supported the Parliamentarians who were opposed to the Royal prerogative and Charles I’s constant mismanagement of affairs. But as opposition towards Charles I increased it soon became clear to Capel that Parliament was more intent on destroying the King instead of checking his power. It was then that he changed his allegiance and supported Charles, that loyalty rewarded in August 1641 when he was created Baron Capel of Hadham.

In the coming year, economic and, more importantly, religious matters fuelled the differences between supporters of parliament and supporters of the monarchy, and the struggle for supremacy that followed ultimately lead to civil war.

When the King's situation finally became untenable in the spring of 1642, he and many of his royalist peers, including Arthur Capel, fled to York. A month later, in Nottingham, the Royal Standard was raised against the Parliamentary forces, and from that time until his imprisonment in 1648, with only one brief interval, Arthur Capel was continually in the field, fighting and raising money for Charles.

Supporters of Parliament (known as Roundheads or Puritans) came from the emerging middle classes and tradesmen of the Puritanical movement, mainly in the more prosperous southern and eastern counties. Support for the monarchy (the Cavaliers) came from peasants and nobility and the more northern and western counties. Apart from Margaret Denny of Rectory Manor in Bishop’s Stortford ,Arthur Capel was the only other noteworthy Royalist in this area.

Immediatley after Capel followed the King to York he was impeached for high treason by the Parliamentary leaders, and so put his estate in the hands of trustees. He had never made secret his activities in the Royalist cause and soon after war broke out, information reached Parliament that arms were stored at Hadham Hall. The majority of peers and country gentlemen had supported Charles at the outbreak of war, but among the many nobles and landowners who declared their loyalty to Parliament was the Duke of Bedford. On 29 August 1642 he rode from Woburn in Bedfordshire with a troop of horse to search Hadham Hall, and inside found enough guns with which to arm a thousand men.

After countless battles and skirmishes between the two sides over the next four years, the civil war seemingly ended on 5 May 1646 when Charles fled from Oxford to give himself up to the Scots at Newark and seek their protection. Oxford then surrendered to the Parliamentary forces and Capel returned briefly to his home.

Prolonged negotiations between the King and Parliament then took place, and for a short while it seemed possible the King would be reinstated. But the Scots reneged on their deal with Charles and in February 1647 handed him over to Parliament. The final blow came on 15 January 1648 in the vote of ‘non-address’ – the virtual dethronement of Charles.

This, however, combined with the subsequent direction of affairs of the nation, led by Oliver Cromwell and his New Model Army, produced a reaction in the King’s favour both in Scotland and England. Scottish Presbyterians, led by the Duke of Hamilton, marched south to his assistance and Royalists took to the fields in Wales, Kent and other counties. In Essex, Capel helped raise a large force of Cavaliers. The object of this resurgence was to rescue the Monarchy and Parliament from the military tyranny that threatened the existence of both.

But the scots were soon beaten back and the Kentish Cavaliers were routed at Maidstone, after which they retreated northwards to join Royalists in Essex where they combined forces and occupied Colchester. The Roundheads then laid siege to the town and on 28 August 1648 the Royalists surrendered.

Under the articles of agreement for the surrender, Capel and other prominent supporters were sent to the Tower of London, but while under arrest there he and the Duke of Hamilton managed to escape. Their freedom was brief, though, both soon recaptured and returned to the Tower. It was during his six months imprisonment there that Capel composed his book ‘Excellent Contemplations’. He also wrote letters to the Bishop of Exeter and other loyalists urging them to rescue Charles from imprisonment, and two letters to Cromwell protesting against the trial of the sovereign. But all to no avail.

Charles I was put on trial for treason in 1648 and, by a vote of 68 to 67, found guilty and executed at Whitehall on 30 January 1649. Soon after, Capel, Hamilton and other notable Royalists were brought to trial for high treason, but Capel’s only argument against the charge came later in a speech from the scaffold in Palace Yard.

However, the true bitterness of his sacrifice for the King was later revealed in two letters he wrote to his wife, Elizabeth: one written on the day of his execution, the other on the day before. He had no reproaches for false friends, no anger against relentless enemies, no pity for himself. All his thoughts were for her and those he was about to leave behind. These are the letters he wrote to his wife:

‘My dearest life, My greatest care in relation to the world, is for thy dear self... I beseech thee again and again, moderate thy apprehension and sorrow for me; and preserve thyself to the benefit of our dear children... I pray remember that the occasion of my death will give thee more cause to celebrate my memory with praise, rather than to consider it with sadness. God hath commanded my obedience to the Fifth Commandment: and for acting that duty I am condemned. God multiply all comforts to thee. I shall leave thee my dear children: in them I live with thee; and leave thee to the protection of a most gracious God. And I rest’.

On the morning of his execution he wrote...
‘My dearest Life,
My eternal life is in Christ Jesus. My worldly considerations in the highest degree thou hast deserved. Let me live long here in thy dear memory... Sorrow not unsoberly, unusually. God be unto thee better than an husband; and to my children better than a father. I am sure, He is able to be so. God be with thee, my most virtuous wife: God multiply many comforts to thee and my children, is the fervent prayer of’.


The account of Arthur Capel’s last moments before his execution was written down by Dr Morley, Bishop of Winchester, in a letter to Edward Symonds, for many years Capel’s chaplain.

‘I was there at the time assigned... But he was to have an agony before his passion; and that was the parting with his wife, eldest son, son-in-law, two of his uncles, and Sir Thomas Corbet, especially the parting with his most dear lady; which was the saddest spectacle that I ever beheld... in blessing the young lord, he commanded him never to revenge his death, though it should be in his power. The like he said unto his Lady... After this, with much adoe I persuaded his wife and the rest to be gone: and then being all alone with me, he said, ‘Doctor, the hardest part of my work in this world, is now past’....
When the bishop had prayed with him (the letter continues), ‘they were all carried to Sir Robert Cotton’s house; where I was with him, till he was called unto the scaffold, and would have gone up with him, but the guard of soldiers would not suffer me.’

Capel then gave an impassioned speech to the crowd gathered below, in which he said his obedience to Charles I, for which he had been condemned to die, was not merely no crime, but a duty enjoyed by all laws, divine and human, upon every subject of the sovereign. He ended his speech with a prayer.

The bishop’s letter continued: ‘God’s mercy on those that were the causes of his coming here’. Then the grim courtesies of the scaffold began. While he was speaking, the executioner had slipped away, and when he turned from the crowd in Palace Yard to prepare for the block, Capel looked in vain for him among the group of men, including his chaplain and Colonel Beecher, the commander of the guard, standing upon the platform. ‘Which is the gentleman?’ he asked, taking off his doublet and waistcoat. Then, when the executioner had returned and knelt to ask forgiveness, he replied, ‘I forgive thee from my soul’; and accompanied his words by a gift of five pounds. One boon he asked: the time for a short prayer after he had lain down upon the block.

The book continues:
CAPEL: Stay a little; which side do you stand upon? I think I should lay my hands that way (pointing fore-right): and answer being made ‘Yes’; he stood still a little while, and then said (speaking to his servants): Prey at the moment of striking joyn your Prayers: but make no noise; it is inconvenient at this time.
SERVANT: My lord put on your cap.
CAPEL: Should I?
Then turning to the executioner, he said, ‘Well, you are ready when I am ready, are you not?’ and then (kneeling to try the position). ‘Am I well now?’
EXECUTIONER: Yes
CAPEL: (Lying with both his hands stretched out), ‘Here lie both my hands out. When I lift up my hand thus (lifting up his right hand) then you may strike.’

With his head on the block, Capel said the prayer he had asked for then raised his two hands in signal. At one blow his head was severed. The body, with his clothes, was then taken up by the servants, put into a coffin and carried to Hadham Hall. It was then placed in the family vault beneath the altar in Little Hadham church, where, too, eleven years later his wife was laid by his side.

Lady Capel probably lived at Hadham Hall with her children until her death in 1660; the same year the monarchy was restored. Only then was it possible to place a very outspoken inscription over the common grave of the husband and wife. The stone was moved to its present position, south of the Communion table, during the restoration of the church in the 19th century but the inscription has not been touched. It reads:

Here under lyeth interred the body of Arthur Capell Baron of Hadham who was murdered for his Loyalty to King Charles the First March 9th 1648 [1649]
Here lyeth interred ye body of Elizabeth Lady Capell Wife of Arthur Lord Capell Onely daughter of Sr Charles Morrison Kt She departed this life ye 26th of Jan, 1660.

In the second copy of the book ‘Excellent Contemplations’, a note on the flyleaf tells how Capel, not content with the sacrifice of his life, ordered his heart to be preserved and laid at the King’s foot. The heart was put into a silver casket, enclosed in a box with two locks, and given to Lord Beauchamp. He retained one key and a second was given to Sir Thomas Corbet. When Beauchamp was nearing death he gave the box to Corbet who, when he approached the end of his life, gave it to Capel’s son, Arthur, then Earl of Essex.

After the Restoration (1660) no funeral Rites were performed on the body of the dead King and so the casket was laid in the Evidence Room at Hadham Hall. And there it stayed until Arthur Capel’s death in 1683, when it was found by his steward and given to the Second Earl of Essex. Not knowing what it contained he asked his mother about it and she told him of its contents. To prevent any violation of the family tomb, the heart was removed from the silver casket and placed in an iron box. This was then put into the family vault within the chancel of Little Hadham church. The silver casket was sold and the proceeds distributed to the poor of the parish.

Saturday, 10 May 2008

100 Days and Counting !!

Well it's only 100 days until I'm 40 !!!

Is this what I have to look forward to in my old age ???????

Tuesday, 6 May 2008

My Town Monday late on a Tuesday ( because of the Bank Holiday !)

I apologise that my post this week is later than anticipated, this is due partly to the beautiful weather that we are recently experiencing ( keeping me outside) and a very annoying wireless connection that keeps falling over whenever I dare to look at the computer!

This week I thought that I would write a little bit about a man called Francis Barber and his connection with Bishops Stortford.

In 1768 one of Bishop's Stortfords Grammar schools had fallen into disrepair after the death of it's headmaster.There was no other accomodation available at the time and so the headmasters widow kindly allowed the school to move into their family home in Windhill ( next to St Joseph's church and now a solicitors office)





It was here, from approximately 1768 to 1772, that Dr Samuel Johnson, a Quaker and compiler of the first English Dictionary in 1755, sent his West Indian manservant, Francis Barber, to Bishops Stortford in order to learn Latin and Greek.



It is thought that Johnson perhaps chose Bishop's Stortford for Barber's education through his Quaker connections in the town, and is recorded as having said that he enjoyed his walks up Windhill when visiting Barber. His five years of schooling is supposed to have cost Johnson £300, a small fortune at that time, though what the younger pupils thought of this adult man sitting alongside them in class is hard to imagine.

Francis Barber (1735–1801) was born into slavery on a sugar plantation in Jamaica and brought to England as such by the plantation owner in 1750. After a brief education at Barton village school near Darlington in Yorkshire, he then entered the service of his owner's son, Richard Bathurst, a friend of Dr Johnson. When Johnson's wife 'Tetty' died in 1752, Bathurst sent Barber to work for him as a manservant, but two years later Bathurst's father died and in his will left Barber £12 and gave him his freedom from slavery.

Johnson treated him like a surrogate son, called him Frank instead of Francis and even had his portrait painted by an assistant of the President of the Royal Academy, James Northcote. But Barber was young and high spirited. With his new found freedom he ran away to London and worked as an apothecary's assistant at Cheapside. He still kept in touch with Johnson but in 1758 joined the Navy and served for two years on HMS Stag, protecting fishermen in the North Sea. When Johnson found out about this, his contacts at the Admiralty soon ensured Barber's discharge and in 1760 he continued his employment with Johnson.

After his schooling in Bishop's Stortford, Barber acted not only as Johnson's valet but also as his secretary and personal assistant. He married an English woman named Elizabeth (also known as Betsy) in 1776 and had four children, the family living with Johnson until his death in 1784. In his will Johnson left him a gold watch, an annuity of £70 and property at Burntwood near Lichfield, which he moved to and later became a teacher in the local school. Sadly, he was unable to manage his finances and when both he and his wife fell destitute he sold the gold watch and other keepsakes given to him by Johnson. Frank Barber died in Stafford Infirmary in 1801.

His son (also Samuel) became a primitive Methodist preacher in Staffordshire, and his descendants still live in the area.

Thursday, 1 May 2008

Time to trade him in for a newer model ??

Have you ever wondered how your life would have been if you had married a different man?

This year I have been married for 17 years .We have been together for 20 years ( half of my life !!) and were engaged after only 6 months of " going out".

Despite a near 7 year age gap ( him being older than me) we share very similar likes and dislikes, a very odd sense of humour and the ability to still have a really good laugh about completely stupid things.

We rarely argue ( which sometimes infuriates me!), I have never heard him swear ( he has heard me countless times), he doesn't smoke or drink ( more drink for me !)and I can honestly say that he is my best friend and a great father to our 2 children.

He is quite a distinctive character 6 ft 4, with short auburny/ ginger hair ( what is left of it)and bears a remarkable resemblance to "Tin Tin". He has a very loud laugh and is a terrible giggler. He has been banned from meetings at work and asked to leave several times to compose himself ( because once he starts laughing - and often does at the most inappropriate times he starts everyone else off).

He always surprises me and is highly entertaining "verging on the insane". Life is never dull in our household as he also tends to attract disaster!

In our life time together, and this is the tip of the ice berg ( mainly on holidays) he has;
1. Wrestled a knifeman to the ground in a restaurant in Fort Lauderdale,

2. Got us lost in Miami,

3. Marooned in a Lion enclosure in outback Kenya,

4. Locked in an underground car park in Switzerland in that we had to climb a runged inspection chamber shaft in the pitch darkness out of a man hole cover in the middle of the street into a crowded outdoor cafe

5.Having attracted my attention and that of everyone else in a crowded swimming pool in France whilst standing on a diving board to watch him dive - suddenly realised that his speedo swimming trunks were not holding in what they should be holding in and ended up plopping into the water instead.

6.Left me for dead standing behind "the jet car" at Santa pod race track when the engine fired up and gassed the whole audience covering us in black soot and ash.

7.When I needed a doctor in Greece ( having acquired horrific food poisoning)
) in his best greek accent dragged the local hair dresser to see me.

8.Got talked into buying tickets for a show in Thailand by one of the reps only to find out we were to be taken to a local transvestite show and that he had been set up as the star attraction on stage.After the show was hounded by a group of Vietnamese tourists all who wanted to shake his hand and have their photo taken with him !

9.Lost a fortune betting on Crab and toad races in the Dominican republic.

10.Nearly killed me when we went ice skating by being too fast and out of control, knocking me down and cracking my head !

( The good news is that we are going on holiday with our friends this year - Sorry Lyzzy!!)


I have threatened to "trade" him in several times and sell him on Ebay with no joy!


The other night this subject did cross my mind again.

I was just about to drop off to sleep , all snuggled up and warm under the duvet, having had a really busy day.I had turned the light off in the bedroom.

The next thing I remember is the light being suddenly switched on and my beloved saying , " Hey look at this quick ".

Wondering what the hell was going on , I sat up bolt upright in the bed with my eyes screwed up peering at him.

The next minute I saw a pale pair of buttocks and long limbed legs and feet moving robotically backwards across from one side of the room to the other.

"What are you doing?" I shouted in a rather sharp tone

"Moon walking!" was the reply.

"What?!" I yelled.

"I can moon walk, I've just learnt to do it from watching You tube !"

"For God's sake - you're nearly 47 years old, get to bed!"

The naked bottomed Moon walker quietly sculked away to the bathroom.

"Turn the light off again please" I demanded.

I rolled back over, huffed and puffed a bit trying to get comfortable again, and then the oddness of the event that had just happened hit me.

He appeared sheepishly back in the room and we spent the next 20 minutes in hysterics.

What posessed him to do that I will never know - Men !!

Am I the only one with one like this? ( if I am I consider myself strangely quite lucky!